To be or not to be, he didn’t want to be anymore

Mac (his name has been changed to protect him) lost his daughter to divorce, lost his job, lost his independence and had to return home to live with his parents at the age of 39.  He got a job at a casino and moved at least an hour and a half from his home.  He lived in a motel not far from the casino.  He had been on probation related to his ex wife and daughter visitation.  He had gone without drinking for at least three months before he moved into the motel.  While at the motel, he began to drink and smoke again.  He would sit alone outside his room.  He would fish for trout in the nearby creek.  He socialized a little bit.  One night last week, he called his parents and told them good bye.  He told them he didn’t want to be a burden.  He told them that by the time they got to the motel, he would be gone.  His father called the motel and asked if he was ok, he had tried to call him and he got no answer.  Mac at the time was sitting right outside the office door.  I handed the phone to him.  After I spoke to the dad again, I sat beside Mac and asked him if he was all right.  I asked him if he had taken anything.  He said he hadn’t taken anything, and that he would be gone soon.

A parole officer came to the motel looking for Mac.  He wasn’t looking for anything threatening toward Mac.  The timing of his arrival and the state of mind that Mac was in, Mac snapped.  He took out a serrated jackknife, flicked it open and cut his throat across his jugular and carotids from left to right.  Right beside me.  What followed I don’t really recall the details.  They tell me I took the knife from his hands,  I know I swore and demanded someone call 911.  The parole officer helped and he said all he was doing was verifying an address to transfer his case from another county.  It didn’t matter.  Mac’s life was bleeding out all over my hands and arms.  Before Mac slit his throat, I talked to him about suicide.  He said he was saved and that if he committed suicide, he would go to heaven.  Somewhere I learned that the only part of the Bible Mac had read in the year that he had been saved was 1 John.  Suicide is a ticket to hell.  You commit murder on yourself, you play God in taking your life before God’s planned time, and you have no time to ask for forgiveness.  You arrive at judgement with murder on your hands, and probably blasphemy for playing God with your life.  It is not a moment of admission to heaven.  Forgiveness is only given while you live, during your lifetime, when you can ask for it from Jesus.  I prayed like I never have prayed before.  I knew if Mac died, he would be dead forever.  No chance at the heaven he believed in, eternal hell instead.  He had been taught wrong somewhere along the way to believe that he had a chance in heaven.  I prayed to God and Jesus to save him so his soul could really be saved.  I don’t know how long it took for EMS to arrive.  I know he lost a lot of blood.  I know that the cuts were deep and mortal.  He was taken away and airlifted to a trauma center.  I put him in God’s hands after I stopped applying pressure to both sides of his neck.  I prayed hard for that man’s life.  In truth, I had battled Satan for him.

In the aftermath, I called his dad to let him know what Mac had done, to go to the trauma center.  I had to give a statement to the police.  I had to deal with onlookers.  I did it through prayer to my Father in heaven to help me get through it.  I drove to the trauma center to be with his parents.  When I arrived, it was around two hours later.  They were stitching him up at the bedside according to security.  Wait a minute.  This guy cut his neck long and deep across all the major blood vessels in his neck.  The parole officer and another first responder expected him to be dead on arrival because of the blood loss and the damage he had done.  He was being stitched up at the bedside.  No microsurgery to severed blood vessels.  Bedside sutures.  In the ED.  And he was alert and talking.  No brain damage from blood loss and lack of oxygen because of it.  Folks, I watched a true miracle happen right before my eyes.  Those that were there witnessed it too.  The only thing I did was pray.  Anything else that happened was of God and Jesus.  That young man survives because of prayer, because of faith, because I want to give him the hope of salvation that is there.

I’m tired of hearing preachers, pastors, ministers preach and teach the Bible wrong.  I’m tired of seeing people accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior, but they don’t continue after that point.  You need acts.  Faith without deeds is dead.  You can believe all you want, but if you do not act like a Christian everyday, if you do not try to be Christ-like-kind and caring to all no matter what, then belief and faith is not going to get you to heaven.  No matter who has told you this, the Holy Bible lays it out pretty clear cut.  Do not kill.  Ask for forgiveness for your sins.  Forgive yourself, too.  Act like a Christian, try to be like Jesus must have been.  Pray, praise God for everything you have.  Seek fellowship with other Christians.  Mac didn’t have these opportunities and he would have died an eternal death.  He asked me afterward if I really believed he would have gone to hell.  In a word, yes.  I do not believe he would have gone to hell, I KNOW he would have gone to hell.  I believe the entire Holy Bible is true.  It was written for us to use as a guideline to living here on Earth while we wade through this life to get back home to our Father in heaven who knew us before we were born, when we were in heaven before we were born. I know Mac will be all right.  I have a place for him in my ministry if he will come.  I think he will.  Its for people like Mac to have a place to come to.  I need help to make it happen.  I really would appreciate donations of any denomination for the rehab program and renovations that have been given to me to use.  I would really appreciate it if you would take the Go Fund Me website and post it on your facebook page to get it all out there.

To be or not to be?  His soul is thanking me for not letting go.  My soul is saying it wants to preach nonstop to everyone who will listen.  His soul has a second chance and God chose to allow him to continue to be. I’ve had a number of realizations because of Mac.  I fully intend to keep preaching now, instead of sitting and waiting for something to happen.  I thank Mac for that.

Please link to my Go Fund Me webpage and read more about Tree of Hope Ministries and what it is doing and planning to do.  Help Mac and others like him.  Please.  We are all in this world together and we can’t get through it alone.

God bless you all.

Sylvia White


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